How often do you think to yourself, “Money stress is killing me,” and then get sucked into a whirling vortex of despair?
Financial stress is incredibly real, and nearly everyone is dealing with it. The 1930s had the Great Depression, so it’s no surprise that some people are calling this era ‘The Big Sad.’
I know what that’s like. I had meltdowns nearly every month when the calendar came to a close. Sitting on a fixed income with a family of five really gets to you when you’re barely making it by. I’ve cried about overdraft fees and having to ask family for help. I’ve broken down when we’ve had weeks where we’re struggling to even get more milk and eggs. (Oh Avian Flu, thou art a heartless bitch.)
My husband and I fell into the age-old trap of relieving stress by avoiding things. We knew our budget looked gross, so we put off looking at it. But really, it fixed nothing.
Financial frustration doesn’t speak to who you are as a person. It signals that something needs attention. Shame about it will just magnify it and send you reeling.
What Financial Stress Really Looks Like
Financial stress and mental health go hand-in-hand. Money’s connection to livelihood affects your emotions, body, and even your behavior. This constant pressure can lead to panic, anxiety, avoidance, shame, and feeling like a hopeless failure.
In your body, you might notice that you can’t sleep or you oversleep. You’re wracked with tension and may even get headaches or backaches.
You, or those around you, will see changes in your actions. You might go on spending sprees for a quick high, or try to control everything because you feel yourself losing your grip. You’ll get stuck in freeze mode, unable to do much, let alone hang out with friends or go out. You might also try to win people over by spending, pretending your problems aren’t a big deal, going out with friends when you shouldn’t, or picking up the tab to hide things from them.
So many of these symptoms can lead you in crazy-making circles of doom and destruction, which ultimately bring about more stress.
The Roots of Stress
When you grow up in an environment where talking about money is taboo or considered tacky, it causes stress later in life, when you don’t have a toolkit for talking about it or getting through the aches and pains of money management.
Society likes to equate money with personal value. If you’re not earning and you don’t have flashy things, then you’re seen as a nobody. Money equals success and happiness. Attaching money to these ideals doesn’t account for inflation, debt, or a lack of financial education.
Wages aren’t going up, but living costs keep climbing. When you struggle to make ends meet, you question your worth, feel unsuccessful, and life becomes miserable.
So, with all that dreary crap being said, there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
If you look at people who don’t have much and they appear as happy as little clams floating through life, there’s a reason for it.
Despite living in a capitalist system that’s largely outside your control, the good news is there are things within your control, too. Perfectionism can be softened, comparison—the thief of joy—can be released, and a scarcity mindset can be shifted into an abundant one.
All you need is a little tenacity and some elbow grease.
Practical Shifts to Ease Your Money Stress
1. Name the Numbers
Clarity reduces anxiety. Do this gently, with compassion and care. Make time to sit down with a warm cup of tea and gather your financials together. We’re talking bank statements, bills, loans… all of it. Anything that shows money coming in and going out. Start with one account at a time. Remember to breathe through it.
2. Create a Budget
Build a realistic budget centered on your real life. No idealized versions right now. Stick to the basics. What can you afford? What could you live without that doesn’t cause genuine sacrifice? Find any leaks and plug them. (Eating out was a big one for us.)
If you don’t know where to start, there are some awesome free budgeting systems that are just a quick web search away.
3. Unhook Self-Worth from Net Worth
Your value doesn’t come from your earnings. While true, this step is all about learning to embody it and feel it as your personal truth. Use affirmations, journaling, and therapy to rewire these limiting beliefs.
4. Micro Wins Over Big Fixes
Celebrate your steps as wins towards your ultimate goals. Find free ways to celebrate so you don’t undermine the hard work you’ve put in. These wins can be for any financial or budgeting successes, like checking your balance regularly, unsubscribing from emails that tempt you into spending, or cooking at home instead of eating out. Rewards can look like taking a guilt-free nap, enjoying a candle-lit bubble bath, or even simply allowing yourself to soak in feelings of relief without expecting more of yourself immediately.
5. Talk About It
Find safe places to open up and share your feelings and experiences. This could be a trusted friend, your partner, a coach, an online community, or your therapist. When you talk about it, you take its power away and become more comfortable with it. Shame dies in the sunlight.
6. Relearn Your Money Story
Consider who taught you about money. What did you learn and from where? Is the belief still true? Is it helpful? Is it outdated and ready to be released?
Emotional Self-Care for the Financially Frazzled
When you’re learning to relieve money stress, it’s important to create a space in your day to release it. You can take a walk, meditate, talk it out, kick the shit out of a punching bag, or scream into the void.
Build this time into your routine to set yourself up for success and prevent spiraling.
Screaming into the void: good. Spiraling into it: bad.
If journaling is your jam, here are some prompts to help:
- What am I afraid will happen if I don’t fix this immediately?
- How would I talk to a friend in my shoes?
- What part of this situation is fact, and what part is stories my brain is adding?
- What do I believe about myself if money isn’t a scoreboard?
- Whose voice do I hear when I feel ashamed about money?
And don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your progress. You’re on the right track, and you deserve to be reminded of that.
When money is tight, it’s easy to believe that peace is something you’ll earn after the debt is gone, after the numbers look better, and after you finally “get it right.” Peace comes from embracing imperfection and honoring your reality.
Tend to your nervous system and your numbers at the same time. You’re allowed to rest and still care about change. And even if you struggle, don’t let it define you. Times may be tough, but it’s only one part of your journey. Keep choosing honesty over avoidance, kindness over shame, and actionable steps over impossible expectations. You’re not broken. You’re human, living through financial stress, and doing the best you can.
